What is the “No Contact” Rule

One of the first rules to get your ex back that you’ll see posted over and over again is the “no contact” rule. But what exactly is this rule, and does it really work?

The rule is pretty self-explanatory, right? In order to have the best chance to win back your ex boyfriend, you want to make sure that you aren’t smothering him and that you give him some distance after the breakup. Don’t contact him. In a nutshell, that’s what the rule is all about.

But How Long Should I Go Dark?

This really can vary from relationship to relationship, but a good rule of thumb is a minimum of 3 weeks. Any less than that you’re just not giving it enough time. And if you wait too long, say longer than a month and a half (6 weeks), you could very well miss your opportunity. So 3-6 weeks is ideal, but it really does depend on your relationship and how things broke off. Let me explain it a little more about this no contact rule and how to use it to its’ maximum potential.

For 3-6 weeks you shouldn’t call your ex, write your ex, text your ex, pass along messages to your ex through friends, and absolutely no stalking your ex. This means on any social media as well! Just leave him in the dark and far away from you (and your thoughts) for 3-6 weeks.

I know at first this will be tough, and you’ll likely find it damn near impossible to stop thinking about him and you’ll even more likley want to contact him or look him up in some manner. Just don’t. Your body and mind need a break from all of the emotions you’ve been going through, and this will take some time. Think of it as a sort of detox period. Sure it will be tough at first, but once those 3 weeks are up, you’ll have removed yourself from any negative (or too positive) emotions that might ruin your chances of ever getting back together with him.

The 3-6 weeks will really give you time to clear your mind and when the time comes, to make the best decisions possible when it comes to YOU. Because what really matters in this whole equation is your own feelings and your health and well-being are what’s at stake. With a clear mind and heart, you’ll be able to think clearly, speak clearly, and re-evaluate everything that is and was with your relationship.

Easy Ways to Keep Yourself Distracted During This No-Contact Phase

  • – Do what you love. Find your passion. Those things that keep you up at night and make you want to get up early in the morning. You may have put this on the back seat when you were in your relationship, but now is the perfect time to pick up your passions again.
  • – Whatever you do, stay active. The more you are keeping busy and active, the less energy you will have to think about your breakup and your ex boyfriend. So stay busy doing something. Anything.
  • – Hang out more with friends. Your friends are your support group and they are there for you. Schedule more time to hang out with them. Even if it’s just for a brief meetup for lunch or coffee.
  • – Stay away from drugs and alcohol. While it may seem to help things temporarily, trust me when I say it will only make things worse. And it is a very, very slippery slope to use alcohol and/or drugs when you are already depressed.
  • – Work out more and get yourself in the best shape of your life. This should go hand in hand with staying active. There’s nothing in the world that will help you more to get back with your ex than to get yourself in the best shape every…physically and mentally.


The no contact rule is tough, I know. Especially since all you know and all that you are used to over the past X amount of time was spending time with him. It will take time, but if you follow the advice above, I have faith that you can adhere to this rule. It won’t be easy at first, but your future, your health and well-being, and your chances of ever getting back together with him rely on your success with this rule.

Stick with it. I know you can do it.

If you need more help and more advice, please watch this video and join the course if your situation is too difficult to move forward alone.

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